Wow

It's been almost an entire year since I've posted a frickin blog, that makes me sad.  I wish I would have remembered this sweet little outlet I have.  Well there's a lot to catch up on so I might as well get started.  Hmmm let me think, the last time I posted it was quite a heavy subject and I hate to break it to you but this ones not going to be any lighter. I know, it's depressing, but it's my life. :/ Let's start off with the tiring 2,000 mile drive from good, wholesome Wisconsin to sunny, nonsensical California. After a short goodbye with my parents, we started off on a nice sunny morning, leaving from my small home town with big hopes and faith that our navigation (a.k.a "the bitch") wouldn't leave us high and dry in a desert in Nevada somewhere. She tends to do mean things like that. As we crossed the state line from Wisconsin to Iowa I realized that I was leaving so much behind but gaining so much in the end. I felt tears of sadness and joy start to well up and with Eddie and our dog Oscar by my side I knew everything would be ok.... After what seemed like a one day trip but was really 4 days, we arrived in California at Eddie's older brothers house where his family was gathered. We were greeted with hugs, smiles and words of joy and comfort. It was a relief to finally be at our destination.   Now let's skip to present day, the end of April 2012 and we're struggling to make our way out of Eddies parents home, which they have so graciously let us stay in and into our own. Now I didn't say 'struggle' to get any kind of sympathy, it's simply the truth. It's much harder to be independent here because the economy sucks and jobs suck and rent sucks and well, basically everything sucks.  Warning! (This is where it gets depressing. Everything I say here is my opinion and I'm not responsible for how it makes you (the reader) feel. No apologies, it's how I feel. These things are NOT between Eddie and I. Eddie is the only good thing I have here besides Oscar.) It's a never ending cycle. I wake up but only get out of bed because I have to eat and because I'll be judged if I stay too long. The negativity and spitefulness here is overwhelming. The stupidity and immaturity is disappointing. The sheer lack of respect and backbone is disgusting. The first few months were fine but now it's just gotten ridiculous. Constantly being verbally attacked and it's not even by strangers. The countless times I've wanted to start packing and GTFO but stay only because Eddie wouldn't go with me. I know that I'm frustrated and fed up and it's clear that Eddie is too. But the shitty part of all of this is that we're stuck here until we have the means to move and from the looks of it, it's going to be awhile.  I have a trip to see my family coming up in May and honestly, I'm afraid that I won't come back. The only reason I'm afraid is because Eddie isn't coming with me to visit so if I were to stay there I would be leaving him behind. I can't do that.  And as I lay here, in bed, typing this I think "when will this nightmare end?"  See you in the, hopefully not so grim, future. -Jackie Quick side note: I'll post some photos later. I can't do it right now because I don't have a computer. And if it's all chucked together, idk what happened! Sorry!